After the door shuts, the room is plunged into darkness, only lit by the glow of my eyes. We lay there together, staring silently into the other's eyes.
“I’m sorry, Crystalis.” My gaze shifts downward. “ I was so focused on finding my past, that I forgot to ask how you felt. I shouldn’t have dragged you into all of this,”
“You did not drag me into this. I chose to come along, not because I felt like I had to, but because I wanted to.” My gaze returns to hers. “I wanted to so I could learn more about you. …I was the one who suggested going to Drake. That is what led us here…and what led to you getting hurt.”
“...That pain wasn’t your fault; we had no way of knowing it would happen.” I intertwine my front claws with hers. “We knew from the start this wouldn’t be easy. My past was far from painless. This isn’t going to just be tough for me, it’s going to be tough for you too, and I don’t….” I take a deep breath, “This may be the only way for us to figure out my past, but if we’re not ready, we can stop and slow things down.”
“Syliva…It is not a question if we are ready. This is happening, and we may be able to slow down, but is that what you want? This is your past, after all, and it is your path to travel…”
“I wanted to see things through. I wanted to reconnect with those in my past and to figure out what happened. And that’s what we’ve done; what I want now is what you want. These past few days have all centered around me and what I want. Now that we’re here and I’ve found what I wanted to find, we should focus on you and what you want to do….” I gently tighten my grip around her paws.
“I want you to be happy.” She pulls closer to me. “I want things to work out. But I also want to stop; because I cannot help but wish for things to be different. I wish all your memories would come back. I wish your family was alive. I wish I could have met your parents. I wish I could have gotten to know your siblings. I wish we could reminisce with your friends. And I wish we could go back to your hometown intact. But those things cannot happen.”
“They can’t.” I pull Crystalis close, “But we can still visit Shier. We can still connect with my friends here. We can get to know Deres and Lynthia. We can cherish the memories that we make here. And we can go back to my hometown; it’s not like it’s going anywhere.” I feel a sting as my words betray me. “There’s bound to be something left, right? Something besides ashes and corpses. Something is still there, right?” Crystalis pulls me into a hug.
“Do you want there to be something left, or would you rather it all be gone?”
“I don’t know…” Tears well up in our eyes.
“I do not want your memories to return, just to cause you more pain.”
“Neither do I…but we both know I can’t get better if I try to avoid my past. I have to face this.”
“I am sorry you have to go through with this. And I am sorry you are having to go through it again. But I am with you here too. I am here to ride the turbulence with you.”
“Thank you…”
